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Episode 6 · 1 year ago

Episode 6: Fast Food Fiasco

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

We're changing up the format this week and narrowing our top eight fast-food mascots all the way down to number one. I'm not trying to clown around, this one might make you Grimace.

We're talking about of Ovenmitt witing,a furry potato with an acoustic guitar, an Eued, a focking focus. Ok, this isimportant. Su Short finwelcome to choose your fighter. It's a debatepodcast where four long time best friends debate everything from SupremeCourt justices to seasons of the bachelor. My Name IsEvan Atkinson and I am joined by my lovely crunchy Munghy fast food fiends,Emily Lamp, Hey, I picked my characters. What are we calling ten Masko mascons?I picked my mask out this morning at like eleven thirty, so we'll see howthis goes. Tallus almine my Mass Gadi Plun to take over theworld so Tatin and special guest Claire Milbournethinks for having me I'm really honored to me here today. So glad you couldclear up your schedule Um so this week we're doing something a little bitdifferent, our paste episodes. We have each brought four fighters to thebattle in the interest of us having to edit this and we're thinking. It couldbe a little bit goofier. We are each just bringing two fighters to thisround. So the topic is fast: Food Mascots. These are characters. Theseare fictional characters. You all don't know how many times I got on this. Ihave like a excel sheet, where I keep all f the fighters and I typed adeleted Papa John, like six times to day, because I was like, could I justgive Papa in there? He owns paitand maning. I have a lot to say about PapaJohn also. He has nothing on the Domino CEO who owns a town where onlyChristians can live legally in Florida pizza chain owners Owai also chooseyour fighter. fucking shack owns Papa Johns. Now I pic Urkilo Neel Yeah e Sakaroni Pizza, stal pizza or fastgoodCEOS next, givo Dave, Thomas Co, Wendy's we're narrowing it down to our numberone fighter. This is a battle for everything, we're leaving t all out onthe fast food court tonight, O Tha Morninarewe in a all R. We goingt be tthe food courd the row, it's a brawl in the moloaks welcoto cu. Ose, your fight,Arn hooboy round one our first match up is emily versus Tala. These are two fastfood fiends. These are villains in the mast, food back universe, no one'sholding you back, tolly, you're alone in this world. It's the anoyed verses,the Hamburglar, I'm very excited about tht. What with anoise great share, giveit to me I'll give it to you. I got you. I got the noid on my desktop. It'sTISTRC M Ano S, a MASCO fomteneat, it's theNoyd, you look, se looks Fucka, it's scary. I don't know what to tell you.Yo looks terrifying, so yeah exactly that's the point. So, just to give youa little bit of background, the Noy was created in eighteen, eighteen, so so thenoyd was created before time itself.Orse there was the noise and then the word with him. So the Noy was created in nineteen.Eighty six by group, two forty three of an advertising agency on record withDominos Pizza that is so powerful, one that anmesin a had agency hasnothing todo with the fight, but I just think it's so cliche that it's like it wascreated a group two. Twenty three. It sounds like a group of rogue like Nazisthat defected to Orchentina after the war, but pretty much. The Noi justencompasses like every single thing that could go wrong when delivering ThaPizza and under thirty minutes, and he Neverno specimic. He wul no um like making sure pizzas get cold. That washis whole Gig. He wanted pizzas to get it real cold. He wanted that she usedto get stuck to the top of the back. No, he wanted. Oh, no. He wanted everything that couldpossibly go wrong. You show up with the wrong order everything like that that Oen Lod, why was he so meat 'cause? He just really had it out for good pizzalike Domino's hands, he hates pizza, 'slike, a really really evil tricksrabbit. He is yes, but also very low stakes. Only in the thirty minutesbetween when a pizza leaves the sor and...

...gets your house Seela and notdoing Hany,otherwise, really nice guy much motivated like motivated to do anythingmore than just to make the PAC a not listen. If that's happening, thinkabout how many pizzes are ordered in a day at all different times of the day,he's angry all the time, not just for thirty minute he's reversed Santa Thigof how easy it is for Santo to come around and give presents. Then NHasnt't go to every dominus franchise location and try to guess blow on Pizza.What? If what, if like, he didn't, ruin pizza and he just stole it like nevergot it, something like the Hamburgelar. Maybe you know just like taking thefood away. Stealing, it completely forget messing with it ar these stakesare way higher, an tak o your and you ain't getting shit so Uyou're noiedtaken MOAG. You can mess with your your food or whatever Lo Tay CR, but wetakin your food. Taking your lunch money and we leave t tase hamburgeler.Is it? Are you with the hamburger orfor this? I was like Isthis as tall as motives:Wowso, Sall, O thats, first O F, all the mostcoherent transition you've ever delivered on his Bo cats. He's gotlittle like little things that you can't identify him. So in a fight, youmight lose sight of him re sorry you're not going to lose fight of this mother,Fucker Limsery, scream you're, if you're in a fight with this guy. If you Seettoadealon, has a Cape withyellow the scientifically proven most attractive color to the human eye. Ohhe's a cookie monster kind, O Guy Yeah Yeah. At least he succeeds in likeruining your meal completely, not just like a minor inconvenience, Wimagine, four, twenty sophomore andfreshman year. How long did you have to wait for a Pizza Order Kion for twenty in on NorthCarolina? Wasn't this a hole by ordering wangs during the Super Bowl? It's our pizza holiday! You can't takethis from us. It never FLOATA UP! Talle put yourself in that mind: space pullyourself on your couch, really just Jones, an for some za you're tellingtoller o recall every night of his life. Yes, you're high you're on your couch. Youwish you had pizza, TAT's, atusd right now, the Noy! If he's willing to dothat for a pizza, imagine how enraged he might be if he had someone like theHamburgerer who it should just be a eqalcal look at Shom Ino. The lightcomes into this fight. Yeah, you know the NOID is getting him. The noid is,like a mildly, annoying forty year old man or something he's like holding ontohis ears or something like I feel like I just like, walk up to him and pushhem over and I'd win the fight like it's not even a like. I'm I'm acriminal. I look and dress like a criminal. Your Guide, I'm sorry likehe's, got like this weird can. Can we pull the nois back up no hold on? Ifyou look and dress like a criminal, I don't think you'll be an effectivecriminal I'll, be good en o fight thoug in allose oemily's about to crank outseven minutes of Noya inerting sitting Ho and pause. pasepots go backpause, get rid of it, go back. They described their pizza as thick andchewy. That's not a Fuckyn good Piezz at Dominos. I don't want to chew.That's a Grubber Discet, I mad a Friski. Also. The anoyed has been featured inteenage Metan intor turtles because, obviously he the villain, do. They have to fighthim to keep their good good pizza. Sife he's just on a Napkin, but right on what am keeping a tally rightnow and I'm like congealed good, clamation bad. These are the things Clarineedi we'rein the food court. There is a cheese, burger pizza and it's sitting on atable equidistant from the Hamburgler who wants to steal it and the NOI whowants to really cool it down and ruin it what's happening. Emily, go youthree seconds: annoyd has people planted in the Ahala? Go. You haveresecond sooemily Yo'r. You have three secondsback. You cover the Hamburgerler in pizzas. The Noi then goes Han aggingnear everybodys from McDonald's land at's. Lo N, the teelin falls on fallson the Hamburgler Hamburglar throwsup. Okay, amburglar is actually like anItalian mopter and he's going to pull out a fucking pistol as soon as hewalks in there can. Hamburgerr does not have a gun. The emburglar is a NOI, anheard ther gon to not. You read the warning on every box of McDonalds.Every big Mac you buy. If you open it...

...up and peel back, like the top lid, itsays, don't give the hamburglar a gun. I'm going to put this one up to a vote.Um. You know where Emily's at you know where tall is at Um. I think you knowwhere I'm at I'm all in for the NOYDEALL. I love. I love this littlerabbit man, he hates pizza and he's got like traps and gadgets and gizmos. Thehamburgler is just kind of like a a child with Rosatia. That um is unableto beat a clowd nobody's heard of the noy. The noy disappeared because he wassuch a bad mass. That nealty. You want to know the truth about why the noyd isgone was annoyed gone. The noit is gone because he drove a man to commit murderand real wife. Oh yeah, the creator of them right. No,a man a twenty two year old man named Kenneth, Lamar Noy. He something wasupkenneth. Lamar annoyed kept seeing these commercials on T v Doeesn't avoidthe NOIS. We hate the NOI, get rid of the noid and he's like my last name'snoyed, dominoes hates me, and he walked into a dominos with a Magnum revolverand held to employees a gunpoint for five hours he didn't kill. Anybody hit turns outI'm reading this live M, but he demanded a hundred thousand dollars. Hewas charged with kiddapping, assalt extortion and possession of a firearm.The NOYD was cancelled because it drove a man to rob a Dromenos and I feel likeyou cannot claim that a hamburgeler has caused any burglaries, but the noise did cause someone to bevery angry with dominoes inreal hoer fighting a lot about this. We have twovotes for the annoyed. We have one boat for the hamburger claire want to hear what Youre Ony GonthereTala. I really have no personal attachment to your guy at all. I reallydon't care if he wins or not um in the FITE when they're the food court, I'mseeing him like trying to be kind of sneaky and then he's going to chuckle alittle bit as he looks the way that he does. I do really really like congealedpizzas. That's not a deal breaker for me. I actually prefer my cheese to behard when I get it. I kind of like Noyd's motives here and I think thatthat's going to win for him, then a after a landslide victory. Thenoyed is moving on to round two, our next matchup silent assassins. It'sthe Burger King, King and Grimis from McDonalds. So I think it was calldAgremis is that hes in the purple triangular shape large n th, more Fak figure, who originallywas an evil character in McDonalds. He Um had four arms at first Wat yeahwhen. They released him. He was aevil grimmace and he had four arms and he was just trying to steal the shakesthe MOK shakes specifically, and they already had somebody covering thehamburgers flipsides and he lost two of his arms and he became Oloout in thegreat in the great shake war grimacs lost to is, like general, grievous,General Wtis. We don't know, we don't know how he lost his IRMS, but hedidlose, Lon Ol McDonalds gave that detroid a cough once he lovt his times.He really turned his life around and he became a wouldn't you if, if Romi, ifmayor mccheese, demands two of your arms in tribute for your pastmmisgivings, wouldn't you try to turn your shit around pretty quick, Heis, agood guy. Now he doesn't steal, shakes anymore, really. He hasn't Bood Se,since two thousand and twelve Um in in this dimension, but he's sorry in thisdimension. Yetla yo'll see him in our world as a big tall, clucfy guy, Atam,McDonalds event or restaurant, but on TV in another dimension he as like areally goofy friendly guy, he turned into a circer othat Rona mcgona couldserve the wave into Grimmac island on Grima. So I think, he's a really qiltydimensional character in a lot of plays, B background. I'll, give you a littlebit of background on my character, who I picked, which is the king. I justlooked at it he's the Burger King King Um, specifically the Burger Kin, Kingfrom about two thousand five to two thousand and twelve. This is the one weknow in love. This is the one with the big plastic head, that kind of justsnuck up on people Um. He was rebrainded by a Miami Marketing Agency from he was like a friendly characterbefore and then they were like, let's just make him terrifying and then theydid and everybody on the Internet was like this scarce the shit out of us andthey said good, that's our marketing. Now, until two thousand and twelve, theburgking king, I feel like his a...

...powerful fighter because he has theelement of stealth. He has a element of subterfusehe's a silent assassin. He says nothing, you know at having two thousand andtwelve Ho fucking dropped off the grit. You didn't see him for three years until where does he show up? For thefirst time backing up foid may weather at the May weather pakyill fight?That's right! You didn't see this mask out for three years. Until he won theheavy weight championship. Okay, then he disappears for another year and heshows up behind the dude who won the triple crown, and then he disappearsagain and shows up behind him again when he won a second triple crown withthe Horse Justice. This I he's the most decorated horse trainer of all time andhe's always flanked by the Burger King King. His burgers sound like weaponswopher ouch that hurts every time. EVID eats there. He gets explosive, badpoops. The ATS are weaponized in itself. I literally never go to burgering everysingle time. I've Gone Thereh've been like two year spans and across thecountry these are separate, Burger kings. Every time I go across the board,it ruins my day, just it's so bad for my body in my health one year forHalloween, they did something called the Nightmare Burger. I don't know ifyou'll heard about this, he made the king himself. He makes all the Burgershe made a Burger that was clinically proven to give people nightmares. Thatwas their Halloween marketing like campaign. was that if you eat this, youwere ten times more likely to have a fucking nightmare batsing in th San,then pork yeah. It had all the meats to hurt your brain. Oh No utyou're on heuphill battle. Right now, like this, the king says nothing and isimmediately behind you he's got. There is a there's three video games madeabout the Burger King Third, one which is called sneak king, sneaking you haveto literally silently assassinate people with Burger King Memorbelia. Yousneak up behind people and go here's a FRY and they go I'm so fold. The BurgerKan king to me is like the guy from no country for old men he's just kind ofinevitable, like he shows up and he'llhe'll flip a wopper wrapper inwhichever way it lands is if you live or die. That's how I imagine the BurgerCin King and fight yeah. What's Grima up to s going to be your example ofbrute force, because he well, he may seem really kind and just kind of goofyhe's a beefy boy, but he lives and dies for Ronald McDonald. Okay, like this, this man will do anything for hisbest friend Rannie. So, like I'm going to say, I'm just going to sayit grimises nine feet tall, probably and he's going to show up and he's Gindto feel really threatened by the Burger King, because the Burger King basicallyrepresents everything that grimices against grimmaces here or cdonaldshakes he's not here for Burger King Shakes, although they are pretty good.That's interesting, 'cause. The Burger King is just here for Mahem grimace isa big purple, Blutt plug that you said is Chobaka and Tencili Um. The Burger King is Darth Vater. He isquiet, he is deadly, you never see him coming and when he shows up he'sunstoppable. So let me, let me put it like this and like intimidation factorking has a lock on or there's not a single thing about the king. That makesme want to go like give hem a hug. There's a lot about grimace I want tojust like give 'em a hug. Andi does like soft seems like one big Puntyputdy bear like I just wantok. I just want yeah and I want to hug onl my bubplugs like that too. But Burger King is probably the bigger butplug considering how bad their food is. Tal Id argue it's the opposite, becauseI grimace every time I eat burger king and it comes out of me like a river. Ariver runs through it being my body. One time I was in Finland on the otherside of the God m planet and I ate Burger King and I still shot my entirebody out of me. You KNOWAS torrible. Their food is that I could go toanother more civilized country and et it and still be sick. I hate the Burger King as a franchiseand I hate their Maskoff, because I know that he's going to be the one tokill me in real wife. I want emiss, as my bodyguard I don't want. The BurgerKing is my body. No Oh he'll kill you too yeah. I don't trust him withanythionl trust him with his own God to Gom Burgers. He makes a Benait what happens in the Fordcourt Bir Kingis doing some shady shit and like says something bat. She says something badabout McDonalds. Burger kin does not speak the light or O, and he just showsup that's exactly it. Tala your e Food...

Cor grimaces like hugging people asthey get their McDonald's orders, he's like good job, thinks for coming, U goand then they walk away and then all of a sudden, you see like the lightsflicker a little bit and it shut off. Come back on. There's a burger kin likefucking across the thing and two people walk in front of him, obscuring him andas they pass he's gone and Grimmae was like that was kind of weird and then hekeeps hugging strangers. 'cause he's a big, dumb, clut plug grandmas doesn'teven notice that the lights ar turned off he watched directly into the BurgerKing and just nexe them over and it's game. Over Burger King's Dut ta hearyou takin in a fight, Youn Goi, the king, do'know, love Grimie, don't thinkhe's Winnen in a fight, though clar it looks like the king is moving on. Ineed Emily Claire. This is your chance to redeem yourself because it's chuckycheese, verses, the arbies Mit, the arvies Ma okay. So I watched a lot ofarmies commercials yeor. You knew the topic you were like.He is the size and shape of an oven, mit Um. He has a face and IE talks andI wouldn't think that Arby's mascot would be ovenmit because theyr theirsymbol is a cowboy hat. So I really don't know what the oven it has to dowith it. But that's right. I'm not mad about it. So there's a number ofcommercials in the late antes early, two, thousands of the Oben wit. Thereis one where, while the employees are leaving, they ask the overnment asksthe employees. If they are writing their cool car back home, rides in their car on their hand, whilethey stick their hand out of the sunroom, so he goes for enjoy ride out.On top of the Sun. Rout Um think it's a personal trainer to get better at liinghold on bathe. Erbis Mi can be used as AMI. He is a mit yes, so I could. Icould just get up in there and there's nothing. I would assume. There's organ.Does grimacs have organs do any of thesear. I know he cn doesn't what, ifis intetist in between the two fagric l theres, one where he he clones himself?He makes multiple clothes of love and MIT and he does whatever with it. Butthat's an important thing to remember this fight. He can clone himself emily.I know this one its close to home, but I want to hear what you have to sayabout chucky cheese. Yeah, you know that I had Tha Chuckie on my side M, soI just want to hit you with Um a few fun fats. First, one of the voiceactors for Chucki cheese was prlaced by Jere Redick, who was the frontmin andguitarist of the pop hunk and wowling for Sue waitqt l guy from bowling for asoup is the pizza rat Uhhuh, Oh God, Oka Taller? Why don't you just describethis for US o? It's a terrifying, thirty foot rat monster and when getanythings behind those eyes, I certainly don't. He has no problem.Just fucking people ou. I think the late cigare of bowling for soup isbehind those Seyes. These are all just terrifying picturesof Chuky. Chee justevery photo of chucky cheese is pretty scary. Yeahthey're, all they're, all pretty bad yo can make these dirty dirty. Dirtythings happen with his pizza. Imagine what he can make happen to whoever he'strying to like actually screw up o. What do you mean? What he's doingwith his pizza, I wouldn't say Tha Chunky. Cheese personally is behind theconspers, no PLA, I I wait. Have you eaten out of chuckie cheese and thoughtthat the pizza was made by anything other than a team of rats? Tehave youEten, a Chucki Cheespi, like this pizza is made by a person FA. No, it's likelattl toy, but real. None of the slices like adopt together. It's not a fullpizza that they're bakant they're grabbing pieces of pizza all day longto make Foldpizza's baby. The creator of chucky cheese was supposed to have aplace called Coyote Pizza, and so he was wandering around and found thatthis Maskot was on sale and he thought it was a coote. So he said greatthiswill be incredible. For my coyote pizza place turns out, it was a rat andhe didn't have enough money to actually go get a coyote one, so he decided thatit was going to be chucky cheeses, Cud' tell the difference between e conoteand Ra. I spent a lot of time in Chucky. She I don't know what to tell Yo and it made you the woman. You arethey're both guilty atis like you're, not going to like tell anyone thay'reexcited to eat a chuck, an chase pizza or an armies melt ten they're going tofeel good orthirty minutes. You do have to get that Gamolca shake someone setthe sced for us, this ovenman iatly rat boy. I...

...can't imagine we're in America this lull food court is that hasn'tchucking cheese and an RB. My childhood chucky cheese was across the streetfrom an argies and they did sher a parking lot. Okyigt we're in a Strimall parking lot between an arbys and a chucky cheese in West Ashlei, SouthCarolina. It is three forty five a m. It is a Wednesday. I just really wantedto show you, Sir Emilyis pulled up the fucking Google maps of the locase Sesheknewnthe exact address she could catch us. A chucgihthatithat is so dark. I,Oh my God. That's why M is so good at skipoll. I had not connected this, buta Terao call to that. Chucki she's got okay. I get t she was raised, aut ofchucky cheese and is separately good at skebal. So I still stand by the fact thatchucky cheese would just stuff all the ski ball balls down his big old throat and just peak out all of the muppy clones y'they're, just Mi Lik theyr BEA, OTIISO ball down and get back up because they're o I cn. I could take anoaditright now. I could stop on it. I could throw it around. I could just reallyJose it up. It's still anoven that it's fine, nothing happened to it. It's alot. Ok, welwhat are what is the Oven Min going to do to Chucki that he can'ttake if theyre, just overnmints herlydefensive battle, wash O ca out, which is doest, become, does metal, rust,first or OS fabric decay? I think chunky. Cheese has a lot more of like offensive moves. Then defensive movesand there's no there's no offince. Coming from these oven mints, I hot athree dayand well war down these other minuts andthe they're going to be gone, Nama better often than meats wes, buttheyare, not giving the neat sweats they're serving the meat, but what, ifI don't have to eat the meats? I don't have to eat at all Thi wide open forall the skibolls, I'm going to throw some meats in there while we had it. So I don't know, what's your pick, Idon't know I'Nowyou can be swayed by heaven. You have to go with your gutmister. I want to see if I was going with my gut all of these restaurantswith Andoin the hospital I this is tough chucky cheese as aconcept inherently terrifying. He is a animal that I associate with food. Youshouldn't eat in the place where I eat my food. The arbies oenmit is something that Itouch to fires all the time. All of a sudden. It has a face, but it's stillfriendly it. It's like a hundred ducksized horses vorses a horse sizeduck like it's evenly split conceptually to me. What would you doif you didn't have an abait? Okay, how wieve a towerewait until it cooled downI've grabbed something that I already haven't my kitchen. That's not shapedlike a hand, but you don't Know Oi. He feels really betrayed by that becausehe exists for that. One purpose and you would use a towel Abov e chucky cheeses,maybe the place where a kid can be a cade, but it's also where oven mits goto die. They're, not o out they're, not wanting this Fi. My vote is for Chuck echeese that got me that got me good, I'm going for Chuckie Cheese Tala. Iwas on oven midside. Until that line a'CSE in my mind, look a the ovenmit.They just don't die, you can burn 'em, you can throw 'em, you can do anythingto them and eventually trug it. Cheese just tires out at some point. He buntsout of gas batteries, te electric he's running on something. Tell you arguingfor the overnment right now, you're doing a really good job. I mean that'swhere I was. I was on the ovenmint side. WTHIS is about your fighter Tola. Iwasn't iterly about to take this ll until he started defending they're,reven partected I'll, be like I'm waning to I'm going to the oven midside. We have a fliptern, I'm stiakin withchucky cheese. This this one's, a pretty strong tie, we've hatshed it out.I'm going to call the writer of our pocast theme song our hero, our hero,shouts out to Bailey. I go hello. What's so UNYWHAT's a buddy you're onthe bocast right now, yeah right, you in themiddle I'm poning friend also saying...

...thank you for writing. Our lovelythemes on yof course anytime, I'll ga op with a remix soon enough too, so itdoesn't get too borng. I love that after four episodes, people are alreadytired. We have a tie right now. We are debating fast food mascots. I would winin to fight and I want you to decide who's going to win this fight. It isChucky, cheese, verses, the Arbis Ovenmi. So some quick points before yougo on chucky cheese is a big scary, robot monster rat. We know this. Thearbis me, according to the commercials, has the ability to clone itself. So itis an army of a hdred Ovei, I'd probably go on E. I 'cause se can flytoo right. You heard it from Bailey, it is the Ovemett Bailey somuch and thankyou for ourthimsonrose an Ntis. I was probably trow now late, TacaboChihuahua honorwile mention from Bailey Igo the TACO Bell Chihuahua. Thank you,somuch kisses. All right against literally all oddsthe arbies met is moving forward. Our next matchup,it's the chifilet cows Verzel quiz, no spaw. I don't want to say it yet Tala.Can you talk to us a little bit about the chick folake hows chick flacouts,all right? It's an army of cows that are dedicatedto ensuring that their livelihood is not threatened, forcing the massgenicide of chickens, that's who's, winning enough fight andthey're, successful and funny and witty, and nobody sees what they're reallydoing murdering chickens like moralities going out of the windowright. It's going to be tough with this one,I'm not a big fan of chickfulet they're, pretty Homao bit. Also just don't go tochicqfilet everyone, no iuse to go to Chicla, go to cojangles, make your ownchicken yeah there, their ossholes, don't like trick filet, but we'retalking about cow here. Okay, we're talking about the cow, specificallystill don't go to Chicku file, ther 're allso pieces of shit, but you don'tneed to like them. You just need toejust know that they're evil genius.I guess my first Questionis do. I have your consent to even say the name ofMine Finder. If you are familiar with H, the concept of eldrich horror of theworks of HP lovecraft, some things gain cosmic power when you say their name H,and I want to make sure that you're ready for that. This is a warning toour listeners. If you're listening to this, inviting this image in thisconcept in your brain might just be too much re to handletoler. You Ok with me, bringing my fighter into this match. GO FOR IT WEEKWING! I am talking about the Quizno longmonkeys, that's right! It's not sponge! There'sno e!! I am going to play a real askquiznos ad that they did in. Itlooks like two thousand and Ninealthee ee bout it soright now chismas will beton Ubon, two. Ninety nine fucking sleep tonight, I dare you, that's winning a fight, yeah dog itjust on the Quizno spong monkeys are two eldrichorr being so vile and sotoxic that even mentioning their name and seeing an image of them has alreadyinplanted them into your psyche. The cows see these, I would say, Satan's Gerbils from afarH for those whof. You heard just listening to th and have not seen thesecreatures good for you. It's like, if you ma, made sure a potato, looked likethe lung of a lifetime smoker and then added the teeth of a lifetime smoker,as well as a top hat in a guitar, and you have essentially created Um a spawn monkey. It looks like it lookslike a feedal cat m like a six greeters Photoshop class project like I'm notintimidated and the cows would be even less intimidated, 'cause. They wouldalready have a marketing campaign that...

...would say, eat more spon, monkeys orwhatever the hell they are called. Well, you interact with these. You are goneon a closmi level doesn't matter. I doesn't matter o the cows. 'cause we'vegot sleeper agent cells. All over the world, you know you drive by a meadowof cows and you think they're just cow, but directly slotting, the death of allthe chickens that you know of and keeping their livelihood intact. So I'dlike you to even try go against all the cows in the world, 'cause they're, allaligned on this one mission eat more chicken and that'll, easily change toeat more spong monkeys or whatever the hell theyre called. Have you ever triedto fight a cow? You can't fight a cow. I've done some research in the past twominutes. Chrisnas US e sporng monkeys is what I feelike was kind of like afinal last, to try to read if you're, if you're, in a spot, when you're likethis is my last option. Is this crudely animated. It looks like the carcass ofa Cockatiel. Take yourself back to the early two thousand of the earlyInternet, the early utube. This was an iconic way to animate. Anythingthat'Stusthis is Z, frank, like that's all we Hav these are horrific cosmicharer beings that, even by giving them a name you're giving them power andquiznos invited this into millions of kids minds. Everybody forgot about them.I hearer I never saw a spawn monkey in my life MENA lucky, neither of you. Youjust admitted that earlier really struggling to separate myself from theHEPE IF I'll be out chickale right now, but I do feel like I feel, like shikfully IFI, hopefullyfinds itself in the same place like Quizos Foun itself during the recession.While I really loved Quizzos that I really am sad that it lost its up inthe green recession. I do feellie Trickfula we'll be going down soon inthis current political movement. Let's set the scene. This is a mall in LittleRock Arkansas, a young Bill Clinton is walking through the food court, ListenPiland, all the problematic and he's with his mom, and he he e crabs. Herdrasses Ima, Tiss, maccael, Clino, Asicett, Hi Ma thanks for picking me upfrom Saxon on lessons oigoofty. I was going to meet mygirlfriend Hillary here. Thank thank you for drawping me off, have yo knonhis mom's jogs, and he has a girlfriend, is happ was funny. Is Bill? Clinton wastwo feet all until the age of Nineteen H, I'm going to meet my my girlfriendhal here you could just leave me be Um. I just can't decide what to eat. Idon't know if I should have a quiz nose or if I should have more a delicious c.What was that more chicken who said more chicken isthat that that large anthro promortion caus than Ybo Te Chick Felike Hee's G,another there's another one eat more chicket a lot of cow. What's that?What's that over there there's a small twinkling behind the CISNOM sine andBill Clinton walks over young Boklin he's still William at this point walkshim over to a cardboard cut out of Jim quizznose, holding one of his delicioussubs and there's a twinkle behind him, and he goes what's that and he finds asmall rolled up letter and he opens it and he ereads in the small monkey andthen passes out. He just falls down on the ground and the cows look amongstthemselves in, like butt they've moved they're go they're going for billalready, and so the the cows start to run over and they're like we got to getbill, we gotto get bill to eat our chicken he's already asleep on theground. E spong monkeys have invaded his brain. He smong monkey's erneys hadgoing Monica Monica Monica and he's like what does that mean? He he'll findout later he wakes back up, Tallan go what do thecows? Do? Cats, take him to their secret layer, underneat fusing moll andthey put him strive down to a chair and they dappe the fucking monkeys out ofhis brain, lock the monkeys at a cage and that's why quisnose has never beenseen again: they're locked in a basement underneath little rockarcensup for the rest of t e eternity. I thought that was pretty compelling. Ithink I'm going to put it to a vote at this point. You know where I stand andthe danger I might be in for invoking the name of the spong monkey. You knowwhere Tala is and how cool cows are it just it's there's a barrier for me.There's a barrier and it' tat, Chekualy Sucks, so I've gotto go with sponemonkeys, I'm sorry, tthat's one. I know...

...that e cow could win, but Tucto y pitchme yours that you were gon Ta, you were Goingto, throw out there. Yeah just gotto get rapped up again. I got no problem. Have you ever seen something you wish?You didn't see worse out of INALL, just like they're, not goingto, seensomething that is unexplainable. Have you ever seen something that Sha se wr corn spamy these ceatures of the Nightin Ragorbrain the invadour consciousness, soon know everything that you thinkabout its Ahave, a pepper VI, all right, annd, locking your boat,lock it in o e Flo yeah. I got to lock that one inany mole that has a chick flay absolutely has a labyrinth underneathit for the cows. You won that one! It's the Chrisnos spong monkeys all right now, emily me back in the ring twocharacters that scare the hell out of me. It's the Noyd and the Burger KingKing boy versus the king is difficult. For me. These are just like very bad guys,they're, not doing good good things out there, and I think that, while the cining has a lot of stealthkeeps very stealthy, I think the noid is a little too unpredictable. I don'tAnknoy, it is like a like. A cheap version of the king, likethe king is like anepotent and the N. I do think I do think the king isimnipotent in because he idon'tneto pronounce the English Ioy somuch it's just so good Tala took the two parts of the word and pronounceBhose of them fully, which is honest it there or languagees than us. Okay, O ye,that's Wa, I sceak ranch kind. Note Yeah! I seek Spanish kind of Talles Panto I pe reat. I barely speak English, always lowit in two and a halflanguages. Yet I agree with with emily that the king is kind of omnipotent,it's scary, because on one hand he he he's all Thet Burger King has reallylike. If you, if you look at other franchises like McDonalds, they haveGrima Ronald the Hamburgler, the bird one. He has to be scrappyg because heknows that if the king goes down so does the Burger and that Mak somthing he has food that hurts the stomachsotherwise pretty well constituted American Boyce Ven noe drove a man tomurder the king. Did it himself? I don't know, I think the noyed is just amaster manipulator and just at the end of the day, gets what he wants. Yeah.To be honest with you, I don't really know if the NOYD has that much fightinghim to defeat. Someone like Neking, the King's, pretty powerful he's got a lotgoing for him. There's just like you's, a scary man, and I just I don't thinkthe noid really stands a chance, but I am glad that the joid had his chancehere on this pot. Me Too, I'm so glad that we're talking about the NOID. Ithink everyone should be talking about annoyed. It sounds like it's time toput it to a vote. You know where I stand: I'm not surewhere Emily' stand, I'm picking it off to tall a first TATALO. What a youthinking going with the king going with the king, emily you knocked into the noid or youfeeling you feeling with the king's cooking. So I think that t enoyd would have apretty decent chance. You know, wouldn't just be like a one punch,seaater kind of thing for the noiht. I think the Noyd could hold his own for alittle bit, but I think ultimately, that the king would probably come outon top. I was ready to vote for the NOI. I fuck an love down the nose if we'retalking desert island rules bear with me here. The annoyed is likethe professor from Gilligan's island he's making a phone out of a cocoanut,but he can't fix a hole in a boat K. Yami the king is like the smoke monsterfrom loss indiscriminately, murdering people on the island and vanishingwithout at race, see I did it. I didn't want that to sway me, but I think ithas because I think the noid is so focused on congealing, that cheese andthe pizza that is not going to see the...

Burger King coming you're little bit oftunnel vision in that Clare. An no one sees the Burger gain coming moving ontoo our final too, it's the Kan from Burger King. Let's see who's Gongto fight against him. It's a battle to the jet between the two. I saw allthese picks this whole week, and these are the two that I did not expect it tomake pass the first round Yall it's the Arby's Mit verses, the quizno spawnmonkeys. We really o dog these ones made it pass the Furteoun I if thespawn monkeys were able to defeat the cows. If R for on this timeline, theywere able to get past these mastermind cows, they're beating theGod, damn it. No. If the mits can be chuking, Chee, ok on anyone, I'd argue they didn't take him down.They just wore him out. Yot! Think you can do that. You spanmonkeys, HN, wear out an idea. The spong monkeys are like the physicalembodiment of the idea that, if God was so powerful, could he build a rockheavy enough that even he couldn't lift it? It's something that will start to take apart your brain from theinside there's something to think about. I am so sorry, but what happens if aspong monkey gets inside of the Oven Mat? I was thinking about this too. Itwas a very good question. Thank you I' Goin Tasaing Fonn. He has only sang andspelled words better than the chickfily Cou. I don't really, I argue not much better Um lots of explanation plants on th lot ofacimation points. They spell cause c Oz Aboue what they lack in spelling, Ithink they make up for in pure terror. Let me explain it to you like this isnot a Sabstory, but this does involve. My death is a happy memory for mychildoond. The First Time My dad told me about GINGISCON was when IIS,basically Thi's a th. This is a thing that my dad likes to talk about a lot,but this is this tactic that gindiskan would use in his battles. This is whyClarhis Dad and I should have a separate podcast- il where's the beef,a historical feud pod cast but more on the ATER gingiskan would come to a city, but he was about tolace used to and he would set up a white tent and that White Tent said buckle up Yall we're about to rock yourshit and then, after a few days, t AF, they didn't send anybody out to talk,they would hop, put up a great hent and that great tent people would look overtheir walls and go that tents of different color O boy. I think he'sgoing to do something crazy, and then you see that black tent on the tenthday and if the black tent is up. That means ginguskon is about to rollthrough your city and burn everything. The spong monkeys are the great tent. You see it and you know that black tentis coming. You don't want it to happen, but pretty soon, two furry feeble cats.With Acoustic Guitars are about to come through your town and tear you to Srenc,but with what on they don't have? How do they play theguitar? They are two deep figures that were meams in the early two thousand. Ican't even put them into three D in my own brain, you dont e. that's why your brain campsbucking, compute, their terror, the oven, mits touch dirty dirty meat,everyday. You think they can't handle some little feetal cats inside them,I'm putting it up to a him. If the harbeys met FRENZIES, Mits, verses, the Quizno,spong monkeys, iemily votes for the Mits Talla Boonver, the squall monkeysgo doin, no ones. How are you going to fod a friend about Spang, monkeys,Topala? I think we should try Carolinehey Ohog, I woulwake you, P Idin taxes you're on the podcast right now, and Ihave an important question: Are you? Are you readit S, Irati? Absolutely? Okay. I am goingto ask you to decide two fast food masconts thatyou think would win in a fight okay. So this is a battle between the arbiesovenmet verses, the Quiznos spong...

...monkeys. If you have a question about what oneof those is, please tell me now ust because I tougt armies, I thoughterr, elper had other pen and are these ones erbis would be confused as well, sothey have an oven. It's just like the hamburger helper, but with less fingersO ok, I was like. Do you know about the spawn monkeys,though theyare like small burryed, potatoes,with acoustic guitars, O okay, I ma answer ooh my gosh okay, so you've seen on I I'm going to have to go with thequisoms Pon Monkeys O. definitely definitely why did you pick the quiznopan monkeys over the arbisment? Oh Man, thes y're, so unpredictable. You never know. What's Goingna, what'sgoing to come next, they he creally have items in their possession that could beused as weapons Um. Specifically the guitar I mean, have you ever talped toBetarturing and I diyr face yeah. That's what I thought it's, I think also they're they're, just so scary they're, sostartling, a like. We C, really scare Wa anet. Immediately. It's been a truepleasure. I hope to talk to you one day when you're not doing your tax I'll,see you letters rit. This is this. Is it that we'venever gone? This far, we've never gone past. The final fore in the chooser fighter of subbance innew format, we're trying t out it is the king from Burger King Verses, thespong monkeys from quizness. Both of these are my picks, but I have noallegiance to either one. I recognize that the king, in my mind, is far morepowerful as the physical being, but as an idea, the spawn monkeys can movenations ioly, did it and that's kind of theproblem? Is They really war' successful? You know they. Really they didn't savequiznos and they can't sin. A ISI, F, the king is still around no matter howmuch of a dirty nasty boy he is. I just really can't get over like the kingbeing like the smoke monster and lost that one really got me, and I can'treally get away from that one and I'm going to have to say. I still thinkthat the king is going to win this one. I actually have to change my votethanks for reminding me on that the king is definitely yeah. I thinkthat the Burger King is unphased by any psychic warfare that the span monkeyscan wage on him. I think that the king is empty inside and full of hate. Ithink that he is the thing that they made when the witch had sex on game thethroads and had killed that guy, and I think that the Burger King is Omnipotenc all if I've learned anything from thisepisode is that, at the end of the day, the king still the king and were all alittle omnipotent and were better for it. Thank you for listening to chooseyour fighter. We'll see you all. Next Week S.

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