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Episode · 10 months ago

Episode 14: Replacement Reindeer

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

It's a classic round of reindeer games as our hosts try to come up with some last-minute replacements for Santa's favorite four-legged friends. Along the way, we learned some surprising Hawaiian laws, did a surprising amount of math, and did our best to conjure up a mental image of Talha on a bmx bike. 

Happy Holidays from the Choose Your Fighter Crew!

We created seven hundred and thirty twominutes of PODCAST and that's post editing shout at to spotify for savingour ego by telling us how much podcast we put out into the world, not how itwas received. It was just like you did this, that's the better! For worse, Igot okay. Here we go close your eyes. Thanks Nope, it's just thanks. spotify you, you monsters it's just. It's just you've released fourteenepisodes that people are three different countries. LISTEN TO THAT'SIT! That's all you get chooseyo Fi yoall! Welcome to choose your fighter.This is a comedy Tebate podcast, where four longtime friends pit everythingfrom pokemon. You would want to own his petsto things that would kill a Victorian child in a tournament to find out whatis the best option. My name is Evan Ackinson I am joined, is always by mylovely and today fest of CO hosts Emily Lamb, guys, happy holidays. Super excited forthis one we're getting a little festive with this topic, so you know, let us know Lt, let us know let us know and Tala.Saman hang and we're very excited this week. She was able to clear some timewe have her while we have her it's Claire Milburne. He thank you guys so much for callingme so much that I couldn't even like put on my phone. I've finally been able to clear my very,very, very, very busy schedule for this. This podcast that got a dink you fromspotify this year. I'm really excited. I think this is going to be reallybeneficial for my personal criand to be Tli sogod y'all, this we're getting alittle festive with this episode, I'm pretty excited about it. The the pitchwhich was given to us by emily is what do we want as an alternative toReindeer Santa? You know you might love them dependingon your religion or affiliation with Cocacola, but Sanza has these beautifulbases these reindeer these these ghosts of lapland that pilot his sleigh everyyear on his supersonic quest around the globe to deliver presents to good kidsand coal, which is honestly worth a lot of money to bad kids, and our question this week is what is agood alternative to reindeer? I would argue a better alternative to reindeer.All of the reindeer have great benefits from the North Pole and they are takinga mental health day, so o bsmas all right. Listen, they have the hundred sixty fourmenaletdays, you don't know what Santis up to so ourfirst matchup of the night. These are things that wuld be more effective orbetter than reindeer. Getting Sana sleigh around on CISMAS Eve. We needemily and we need Claire Emily in Lu of Rainbeer is bringing one full grown.Owen Wilson, Claire Milburn, instead of reindeers bringing eight full size,Moose two work, hourses of the natural worlds, very excited to hear what you all haveto say. Just so we have this again. Can You repeat the Yeaho? Just thank youSala, I'm Gon. To recap this one again. So, instead of rain teer, we have OwenWilson, just him on Ha Zone on his...

...lonesome versus eight full grown Moose,a matchup that'll make you say: Wow there is one creature Wen being on thisplanet that would be better than a reindeer at this job in its ES. Let mejust give you some little background information on this in general number.Ot, a full ground, miss can swim six miles per hour swimming, they have hobs,they can close their nostrils. They were. This is not compelling so far.You can run thirty five miles per hour. Incredibly compelling now we're on yourH, preus thirty five think about it. Think about yourself driving thirtyfive miles for hour their hours lone. We fifty to sixty pounds so think aboutthe next tring. They would be stronger when it comes to lying Panto around theentire world really fast, because they can go faster than reindeer and theycan hold their breath in space. So when Sata does start deciding to inimnate,wait wat Wai Wa wait. They can hold their breath in space. Well, they youknow their breath in general, so they can hald their breath. INSTA no heyhold on hey claire. I just want to give you this one, because I was googlinghow much horse power does 't Moose have, but I'm lipping wit at how much horsepower does the Moose have hem flipping it back to when you said, if you canhold your breath in general, you can hold your breath in space, I'm Evan,I'm a meatboy from Earth and if you send me to space I'Ming gone in aminute and a half there's no way, there's absolutely no way. There's alot more o going on in space than just my ability to hold my breath for, likeprobably no more than four minutes. I think this podcast is really imworking.I think we're really breaking all e ground here, because you know stantaasmodel really not been been like changed in so long, probably like fifty years.This is our white space. You know we're inventors were, innovators is our star:it's Nat Lik. We need to tell Teanta that he could do better and were theengineers that they've chosen to choose the right indivation, and I think it'suse interesting interesting. Well, I thinkit's alod Wilson and I'll tell you why I was also thinkingabout classic Santi Stories Right. So we have. We have froscy Dasn't, reallyAnvolle stantout, but the real one is rude off right. What is Rudolph haveand iconic knows what is i Wan Wilson have and iconic no yeah. Well I mean that's, that's prettyballar argument, so that was my first thought. My secondthought is: I only want one of them and I want him the size of a macie'sThanksgiving Day parade Floa he's still him. He still got. I tomme Yoan Wilson,just like ten former songs, still the exact impersonality instead of huntingeystronk, the kids, it's honey, ther's to giant on Wilsoner, O Frenar and, I think, honey. What half of the filmwedding crashers is literally crashing our wedding and we need to stop himwith the military he's. So large he's got such a two thousand and fivemaricatom right CAES. He still sport the same Lan Haircut, it's a bellinto,generous Yoa. No one has seen him tallas since he got divorced from CapeHuts and no one knows it would be the first appearance of Oen Wilson onChristmas, Ohon Wilson Santa hit in the road. They are crushing it completely,and people are trying to catch little. Glimpses of you know they want to hearthe rein here on the roof. What's that it's just oan Welson, your house hasbeen crushed by a building size, Oen Wilson, I wai he also filld at helium.Like my see Ta, I or I se just to try...

...to catch a little glimpses of a man,the Ie of the mason, like they don't know that it's going to be Ellen Wilson,they're still looking for the reindeer they're listening up for their littletheirhoovs on the on the roof on the rough. If you will I'm pitching thou listening for the reindeer on theroof and instead they get a little peek. First, they hear his classic catchphrase. Wow ginormas on was like you can't hide you're bound to see him andthey're like Holly Moli. You look so different, or maybe he doesn't no oneseen him in five years: Wut Cin, Bigoland, Wilson, Whie! Thank you Talafor the quote of two thousand and twenty can big Owod Wilson fly soclaire was touching on this earlier, and she said that it's not the reindeerthat make this Leo. It's the spirit of Christmas in San to himself. Thereindeer have have given them their special powers. This is just a goodsymbolic replacement is what we're saying, Yemore or less so R, one bigoln Wilson Versi go Mo. Amous,yes, e Mose and also most is the worst singular plural thing, because itsounds wrong. Every time you say it fortis yeah. I had to think about Itie.It sounds Ri gonna be good Lah. Now, I'm pitching to you version ofCloverfield, where, instead of the cloverfield monster, it is big OenWilson and it's a found footage film of you can hear, echoing through thestreets of a destroyed New York, wow bein claire are going to count down andwe're going to stay three two one and then both of you have to shout out your your that's going to be great andediting. Can we actually do it separately and then I'll match themtogether? Yo Let'Sdo it ready three to what Oh en Welson Holy Wilson, no Tolis, trying to sav the edit OwenWilson, that's the first time, Wev voted that that that decisively, thatfelt really good Owen Wilson is moving on to our next round. When we decidedthis this topic today and the text, the text wer flooding into my phone by thetobs, and I was shocked and awed by all of your choices- very excited about this next one thoughit's me versus Tala Somany, I mean Taller Wy Ready Tala is representingthe very specific seven thousand and one hamsters are pulling Sanas sleighinstead of reindeer pulling. My Santisleigh is musical group, the blackeyed piece shit. They played at the Super Bowl yeadog they're brending Christmas, chats Rwas, like I didn't, lay the super bowtyeah think any of these people would play the super bowl, but I almostpicked cold play. Yes, Riana man, it a singl, Haly DN. IDamn did reaon play the super powl, probably probably ICUs, ges fitchy didno man. You two boys. You should know about the big game. You should knoweverybody's ever played at the big game. I only need to know that Prince playedthe best super bowl performance of all time and nothing else will compareactually to quote prints. Nothing compares to you so can't do it. Okay,we all know the black eyed pees, but you're all wondering why seven thousand,in particular seventhousand and one campser Yeh I'll start off with themost questionable pick in that is my Itos.An uneven number of sevenhsand in one.

You know to M's point earlier: Rudolfleaves the raindiew right. So an even number can never work. So you were. Youwere sunk. The second, you said: Eight, not nine, here's! So you fucking idiot,I there a rainbeer okay but Rudo, Amoy, name Hem, Johnna, Dasher, princer,Nixon Tha. I am not a crook. Il Beda Rudolfh is in charge of running thereindeer. He runs the show. So if you've got an even number is going tobe discombobulated all right, there's going to be no coordination and saintis going to go nowhere all right. The lefts going to be pushing left theright, Tays Gonbe, pushing right we're going to end up in this politicalhurdle. That goes nowhere. But if we have seven thousand and one hamstershat one hamster thats special little nose, he's Gointa lead the way he'sGoin Na be the leader he's Goinna Take Santa where Santa needs to go they'regoing to get out Europe, but a GIRSO wondering why hamsters Yeah Hamsers inparticular and I'll, tell you why Hamson and theres are replaceable. Okay,you go to any house, there's, probably a hamster sitting in a cage. Then ahowO lose when she last time you walked in the House and Sawa Hamster for me. Iwas in second grade. We definitely had at least one hamster in our house inCollege. At one point you know I can't remember the last time I saw O himster,but I do remember the first there you go hamsters. Also whold special heartfelt memories in our in our hearts. They're the keepers of our STERICAsecrets. All I'm saying is good luck, replacing the black niyed peace member,but it's easy e Shit to replace one of the seven thousand and one hamstersbecause he can show up at any house and sen, is like I lost one on the way dudecouldn't do it. Heart gave out I'm in just swapping with the hamster in thehouse. No problemdo, you know how easy it is to replace a black eyed PS member.Can you Ni there's four motherfuckers in this band. Now, that's only three.If you can name anyone, that's not furgy or will I am. I will give you onefats in US dollars couldn't name one of them exactly. I can switch any buddyout for either that's right, taboo or apple DYEAP. I didn't got Ogol that Ilove the black eyed pigs a whole lot. These folks are here for a fun time. They want to get.The party started, they've changed since the original title of that sonthey're, bringing a lot of fun energy to holiday celebration near you andthey're super inoffensive. I I thought about this. This group, this Super Group, is areplacement for the reindeer. When I was talking to my friend and she toldme about a holiday announcement that her company made, they recently laidoff a quarter of their employees due to budget cuts and in order to announce that sad newsthey brought in black GUYP will, I am to break the news to the company andeverybody seems like they're fine with it. I believe I believe in the blackeye piece. I believe that they are able to run very fast while pulling rans, I'mmore interested in their speed and physical ability than I am in theiresinging. But if you, if we're going off of the metric of who can create the most Christmas cheer,it's not going to be seven thousand and one hamsters. If I see one hamster I'mlike that's cute fos, I if I see to I'm starting to get a little nervous ifthere's four hamseers in this thing, I'm like somebody needs to watch thisright. So e needs to be checking on these answer. If there's seven thousandansters in one location, ihave entered...

...my own personal version of health andit's when there are rodents that are cute and I want to touch them, but Iwill be subsumed and overwhelmed by cascading waves of Rhoad entra rodents.They recomplete their job. They are there for one mission and they're thereto help stand hop, Begn, riht, Tan, no make Christmas. Okay, but hey guys,hatch tag make sat to make Christmas. I want to talk about these reindeer. Ijust go: Go to what are the names of the reindeer and somebody on asking alotcom said what is the name of the twelve reindeers and someone respottedwith there's only nine rein, beer, there's prancer. A lot of us knew thatone dancer comment: Cupid is real. Cupid is a reindeer get on Emily Donner,like the Donner Party, Dasher, linten, blitzen and vixen. Thesexy one, all you reindeer out there we're trying to place all of you,except for Tiksbin. That's right. A lot of you are going to think it's rite off.If we're, if we're thinking in kind of reindeer hierarchy as a relates to theblack eyepeecs Rudolf is, will I am Vixen, is furgy and don' really care about the rest?Yeah. We don't it's like Rin cupid. It's got to be it's diit's, gaiwasgonna, say Tagter Cupid, it's Oh shit, doner Donneris Taboo,because no one remembers donner and then some people, like apple the APPAlittle bit, that's cutid. So there are four black IP members yeah. So there's no oretly, there'sthree currently there's three wait: Glare hold on at a time only they've,only four of them have been seen or one place, but T at's. If we wols how manyyeah, who knows how many black eye peas could be out there there's so many I'veheard whispers of fifteen, but not all in one place, it's too powerful ing is you need an odd number at alltimes, because one dudes got ta lead Sanhost Lae, Wer wit. Will. I am Tala.What are you not hearing that I'm said, but if there are four of them, how isthat going to work? How I un Appe theap essentially function is wone pers, butTala. Also that Rudolph wasn't forever around. Let's think about how we LiIble, Hamser Zon, no okay, tversis a ID peeve that'shonestly. That's very true!You Know How many times I've seen the hamster been like Nice, it's a Hanswerand how many times have been like? Oh Fuck, the black hup pees, ar here yeah. Where is the love it's right here?The black iyps are bringing it straight down. Your fucking chimney. Okay, therethey're ready for it, but you know whod HAC to fit down to me. Cam Food, youOllem, you're new to this, the raindeer don't go down the chimney. If I marry CR liing room, my home is Juun Eis of theartic wilder in my living room. Could you imagine the list of demands thefblack, ed, Kees, now versonnow, that's true! I don't want to see that writeract. First, first demand ont any part of that hamsters ill, probably likegive us the wheel and we'll keep going. I'm thinking about like a like ten miletrip from the North Pole to the less north poole. Probably three thousandhances have died when I I want to make sure that we're thinking aboutonovation- and that means I'm still thre thousand and eight year sotwothousand and late y'all. This has been heated but we're going to put itup to a vote tollive representing seven thousand and one hamsters, I'mrepresenting musical group, the black eyeps. You know where I sand, you know,were tall staves but emily mouthful of...

Pretzel. What do you think? Oh Damn Wow?That was quick. That's a note notoriously dry smack good for you andyour wet mouth yeah. So I think I have to vote for the seventhousand and one Hamdste. What why WHA TALL is surprise. The idea of seeingseventhousand and one hamsters in the sky is insane to me, and that seemsreally cool, but also thinking about how they would be assembled on. TheSLEG, like the black eyed peas, are also wearinghamster hardnesses that changes anything I do. I do like the idea ofthem stretched out very far. So like a kid, an anchorage alaskais like likethe first two hamster show up or no the first one. Seven thousand, and oneexcuse me, the first hamps very brave cold hamster is so resolute and brave.No, it's dragged the Aby Uckin. Her none of the other hamsters are working.One giant, Farry Jack Hamster has pulled the remaining seven thousand anda sleigh all the way across the world. My name is Brutus King of hamsters. Do you look for the one befy pus,sevensand, hanters or Doyeah Thason? Either way, I think seven thousand andone hamsters is an incredible name for like a punk band, but seven thousandone hamsters is moving on or excuse me are moving on to the next round. Don'tget too comfortable, though, because I'm back in at baby- and it's me versusClaire Clare Wash a mystery pick because she changed it during this calland will not tell me what it is. Oh Boy, I'm representing the two thousand modelof the Honda insight, I'm representing eight fifth grade boys on BMX site.Okay, so wow we clair Claire's earlier pick- was eight angry, a angry New York City bike, messengersthat she has changed at eight. What's that again, so I can write it down fitgrade boys on BMX bikes that was MI, Europebean exir. I ad be of course, ofcourse, Talo as a BMXER. I could have written Tolo's life. If you asked me totaller, we could not have okay. So we have. We have a twothousand model: Honda insight versus the cast of et y'all. Think about it like about ecome in onethousand, nine hundred and ninety seen Wanda innight, all right, I'm gonna,I'm sharing my screen. I'm pulling up behind the inside, don't go let on yourown. I want to control this narrative. So for those of you don't know the Hanthe year two thousand Hunda insight is the most fuel efficient car ever made. It is the has the best miles for gallonrating fifty one miles for gallon. It's the most fuel efficient car wemade.They made it twenty years ago, haven't topped it since the key to its its fuelefficiency is it's insane immense aerodynamics. It looks like aHanbacivic in the front and a Hondacivic with the wheels hidden inthe back. The back wheels are covered like a dirty dark secret. It's theflirtiest car I've ever seen. It's like...

Oh Wol, side profile is definitely thecraziest because it makes it look like a rocket shit from way. Co Ees. Itlooks so absurdly fast for a family car. It's also a coop, there's only twodoors on this thing, you're picking your girl up to go out on a date inthis fucking thing, the back wheels are secret there as though they aren'tthere. It's the closest to car, I think, has gotten the cleavage. It's just likeyou get a little fittle tea. Little teas of back wheel know like Oh, that's,exciting, but it doesn't show you too much that you're still excited aboutyour date. I know I shouldnhav Ben Thinking about this. Well, what do youdo if you get a flun, allrigh, you're, fucked man, you there's no recourse. Ifyou pop one of those back tires, you better buy a new car. There's noAndoiitodon't really need those n. The you don't need back wheels not for this car. Most car, most carsyoure going to walk four wheels on it. Not this one you're just going to needthe front to the back is like a sled. You just gind tof drag it along. Likeone of those dogs, you see on viral videos, the back wheels are our secretand, let's Juso that's between you and me, and the mechanic. No one can seethese back wheels and, let's Solf the trunk, we're just going to get rid ofthe toet. We don't need it. That's the trunk spaces for wheels. Now. I hopeyou weren't thinking of carrying anything except for the enormous amountof Pucssy that you're going to get in this car. The the only fitthe onlything you need to transport in this car is a new bitch every night. Let meintroduce you to eight yeah, that's right! Eight,because we don't Nean nine. We don't need rotolf. We have eight of theoriginal reindeer, replace each one by a ten year old, H, fifth, grade boy,writing and feing. What are their names? I'm going to count you off it's goingto be Aden, yeah set yep, Steve, Yep, hery, yeah Heter,who evvin interesting Gabriel. That's my biddle namepercomfortable! So far, thhe goes my game and Zucks got onemore WHO's. Your last boy drew FA, drew fifth grade boy fifth grade boys areprobably the most powerful things that humanity is Yel created. They giveZeral fucks about anything, no, our also kind of strong. They also stillcan', really talk. It they're, like my mom, says that I'm really good atbiking and my own Sdoesim really cool, and I also really like to play on the playground,but I'm not gid teling the dot I like Pay Min cast in my in my siine. That'splayer is right now doing spot on impression of me in present time, butwhat these kids don't have and what they can't beat and the hecular manslaughter statisticswill tell you. This is one Honda insight. I just think I'm just thinkingthat a hunded inside main statistic is can't see the wheels and fifty onemiles per gallon and ioe great Tis, great boy kind of runs on you, I'm likeChe dos, an chocolate milk. I think I have to go with the fifth grade. BMXbikers I know't you didn't say to vote yet, but I'm already I'm locked in nowe're hey, we'll move. Quick M is voting for Fifth Grade PMXBIKERS as thebest option to pull Santasleigh, and I can't say I disagree with her, but I'mstill sticking with the beautiful luxurious kind of sexual two thousandfuel effician Honto insight Tala. What are your thoughts on this?What's your vote, we have two votes for...

...a Grad Boys, one vote for the twothousand hunded insight: Okay, fine, I'm gonna vote for the Veamenty Tala,with a vote for eight fifth grade boys on Vmxbike Speedatha, on insight. It'sour last matchup of the first round. I'm going to need Talann Emily to bringtheir a game emily representing twelve pillsbury. Do Boys Tala representingone shilabuff? That's crazy, crazazybs, crazy, all right! But that'swhat we need? U, the energy. We need shila up, woll slave CARISTMAS alres.He is insane and he will do anything and he has the most energy. He is ameme he's a man. He will deliver and send his gift. Because just do it, you guys remember that infront of the green screen just do it and he will just do it for Stianta well.This is all I have to say and Ean I'm going to need you to be verydescriptive here. Whenever you see this. Okay, no, okay, l evily just pulled upa Google and, U starts with pills, Raho Voy, it's a pillsvery dewoy. You knowand love. Next to someone who looks like I guess, like a Nazi experimentlike he looks very arient and terrifying, but it's just a jacksversion of the pillsbrayy dope boy. He is incredibly muscular for some reason.Those muscles have extended to his cheeks and GIN. His jaline is crazy.His jawline is crazy. He' got a butt CI, yes, that's my thing is point: why didthey have to give up a butchin? There? was they had no business? Giving overbout it it s, though his Chin has its own cool musclesbut. You know it's evencrazier than imagining Jackd. It was very doubly is remembering what hisfreaking name is David. What can we guess? Hill bills? Pillsner Tel me, don't tell me o everybody guessClaire. What is your guess for the real name ofth fills very dow boy, Michael Tala Pills, new, I'm GOINGTA say dug, butit's a question emily. What is the real name of this boy pop and fresh wow fuckright on off up and fresh off in the retch? Now that's one word two words:threes, Poppin apostrophe and then freshed, no fair enough, so he's hisreal legal name is popping fresh. That was my thicking guest. No, it's poppingfresh, there's! No G HE'S COOL! You went from Michael to pop in front nothats, my seon guess for sure yeah, so ID so so do fucking Sean comes but, likeyou all make changes. So let me tell you a little bit about the pills verydevoy AK. Mr Popin. We share a birthday march, eigh Tean, one thousand ninehundred and sixty five. You share a birthday and and m you are. You wereborn, one thousand nine hundred and sixty five youre fifty five years old, so pills, bary doboy is about eightinches, all a little bit shy of nine inches, an mn he's nine on tender, yeah pop and fresh. I picked twelve popind fresh to pull this slegh because one that would be so fun to seethat happen Claire. You would think I talking about little baby hartessesbefore think about the little baby harnesses Oh sh. Also we CANHMAS. Thankyou. A Oin Thi Ihling, my fun GG to him.

If HEU went to like Pertorigo, probablyget cooked and Turne into like a biscuit, a delicion ttiset, I won't lie.Those bery make some delicious biscuits Yo. So now, because he's shown in allhis commercials going all over the world and he's exactly F, I will alsosay Santa Travels at night and it's always cold at night in even in theEquat like Ceru afpot order, it's always called Bedoris nowhatever, youhave to say en a temperature belows fifty five. What if I told you that thepills very do Wy? I had to do it because of his family. What do you mean?What do you mean? Oh my bu, Jesus Emily has pulled up a photo of the PILLSBURY.Do boy and I guess his family. He has a wife, Pretty Gat Ero normative of Pellsburry E as a wife. This is poppy fresh, his wife, and he has, I think, his nameis. Liketop or something I don't know I go down and it's all different when let's namethem all, I spot one, two, three, four: Five: six Sev six Woa God, there's someanimals in here as well: Yeah he's a kin of a dog, but uncle Roly isn't inthis one. How desperate was Pillsbury forcommercials? Also, the water mark on this is shot good willcom. Can Ipurchase these figurings of the Pillsbury family pop an fresh poppyfresh one, bon pocker, opr, rand, Mammar grandtopker biscuit flat, JAGUncle Roly. I love Grandmama and granpaper. So U, when I have grandkids,they will call me Grandmammar, oh no grandpaper whatever they want. You know what yousaid: They're going to be twelve of just twelve of just pills ignore thefamily, it's just twelve popping freshes doing his nasty thing. AlChristmasi, love, ATS, clearing out of her tabs right now and the last one wesaw is how many people in world I could do in two words worldpopulation, but Heus, sad how many people in e world? That's how I nogl. Idon't really have a reason in why I thought twelve filbar do boys would bereally great, but I really love the idea of seeing twelve popet freshes andlittle teeny tiny little frigatin, artisis, hauling Santa through theworld and maybe just like dro the Chrissats along the way Wen i Sot onOit's Nice Itin, Shi lil loss. He can stum in thetransformers if they're ever suck, he can be a honey boy. He can do anything,he needs to just do it Tala. I- and this is hard for me specifically EvanAtkinson Assay the tres- will ost to the transformers,aren't real there. I dream of O. I Keel San. I knowSANC is not listen. No, no! No Sata is rereal for the forthe purposes of this debate. Podcast Santa is very real. Whatever you put onthis like and fly, shila buff can fly and he can pull the Sleigh, butPillsbury do boys, twelve of them that's pretty adorable. It might getpretty annoying they're, all very chatty, and they love just gettingpoked alltheir maskkists they're a little dirty massacist. They just wantto get hit. Yeah, there's a commercial of popand fresh, going through security atthe airport and they're trying to like pound him down, and he keeps just iggling about him he's hardy for it,it's nasty what happened to Fisher up to like a house and somebody love cookies out CIS mebecause that's what you do and Beus...

...adolt instead of Ibury, I feel like they would throw a fit holde foer, who did hi they'd be like were unionize no dullhouse. Payr load HaOmen. Yes, yes, they are tall, that's so deliciousto me. Thet s very go on strike and sent. I can't deliverany presents because the unions ruined it for Santa. No, no tollhouse reallyis only known for cookies, whereas Pilbert Pillsbury and specifically filsBerd, do te boy has been the name of six hundred products. I agree with you, I'm a hundred percenthere in that they're a monopoly and they want full control and they wanttheir just bathose of that world and they won't full monopoly. So if thereare any ther handmade cookies, can you imagine the outrage? They'll havethey'll be fucking paste, hey that's money out of our soft bellies. What'sgoing on Sanda, I don't think he cares in that he's. Not The business man he'sjust the face of it. I'm just a show for corporate buneyyeah, that's fair! THAT'S UST! I'm just doing Mickey Mass. I realized all rightClar. What do you think Shil us? I said my piece know how I feel aboutSchilebrop. I can't even believe you brought him into this argument. Mi knowI would be a voter. I know because I know you would say: F, William defo. Wehad this argument between willing the Fulknchil Loke ye. I've been having alot of arguments recently. Are you? Okay were doing great? We're doing greatit's just like whenever shilabuff comes into the conversation like you bring aWilliam Tofe, we entere, I astu late, like I just think. Chilabu should haveretired fter holes and I literally do not care about him at. Ah One hundredpercent zero percent- I sil above walked in the transformers franchise sothat our boy Marky mark could fucking SprintTho the movies with Mark Walberg it the Trans. This is an aside. Thetransformers movies with Mark Walber are far worse critically than theShilabof transformace movies. However, one thousand percent more enjoyablebecause Mark Walburg attempts to play a Texan but keeps his very bostonianaccent, and it is shocking. Every choice he makes inthose movies is the exact opposite from what you think. It's so he's like yeah,I'm an inventor I'm an inventor from Texas. What do you mean come on? I'mfrom textup you ty to do what robot yeah tey that fucking that fuckingtruck turns into Ovroa, but I think we found a transforme yeah. You did markthat's a whole ass, alien in your garage. Of course you did. I liked yougood franchise. I like that, but chilabucf did he didn't think of thatall shila buf did was scream and talke about his dogs, boner medication, HesBre, go boy. Has a Bot ere with a vote for twelve pillsbury DOE boys I, as as much as I don't, actually loveShilabuf, I'm pretty I'm pretty ax. I'm Mor commonly negative towards him thata'm positive, but I am going to say twelve Pillsbury do boys is going toget my vote just because of how how adorable would that be, and it'spretty on brand the marketing potentials endless if pillsbury couldown Christmas for but a year twelve Pillsbury de boys are movingonto the next round. I will say for fans of the PODCAST, if you want tounderstand the state that we were in when we record this watch, Chila buffstable Red o fast times, Erigmont high and you'll kind of understand whereeach of us is at when we record this, I'm sitting in the passenger seat of aChevy pickup truck smoking just...

...absolutely railing through cigarettes, mostly naked. As we record this we areon to our next roundo cheese, your fighter. I need M and I need Tala readyto go. It's Owen, Wilson versus seven thousand and one hamsters somethingI've said for the third time today, Emily Whyis Owen, Wilson, better thanseven thousand one hamsters at pulling Santa Sleigh. Well, it's giant s right!Excuse me, macy's Day parade float size on Wilson, correct, correct, so that'svery important. I was my all of my points from firstround school. Why? I really think I need to hard one. This parallel betweenyou know the Christmas story that already exist, Inter in how OAND Wilsonwill seemlessly slip into that in order to win over the hearts of you mean thebirth of baby. Jesus, no n! No, I mean Rudoph Yep, that's theChristmas story on wilsensemously fits in in order toyou know, wait over the hearts. People don't have to adjust that much otherthan ee Tryin fucking, that's a big Ajo at much. They have a giant Oen Wilson and theydon't have to adjust well yeah, but also the whole thing is: is that youdon't see you don't see the reindeer and see it together pretty sneaky? Soperhaps that still applies, and no one ever even knows that Oen Wilson is outthere and so randomly when they fly off and Sant is like normally Santo wouldbe like Oll da ore, all dancear on friends, ar on bixind on Commentin, Yep,yeah and what's he say now anwes he goes Hayo and- and he goes Oh yeah werall right where you want to go won at Yo, just Peter Griffin, actually, Ewe going yeah. No, it's just catch phrases,constantly, seven thousand and one mice Tala Tolas Tala, I'm gonna I'mneed youto just you even believe in your own product, and for that Im a I did it. Idid it wrong. I smoked weet all right, I'm sorry! I pulled the Shai aboff okay. I can't believe this out of you prettyfunny. I feel, like I culd believe this od of my IAI can believe this out of me.ISTHAT's, pretty good wasn' can go seven thousand and one hamsers can goalso, but where seven thosand and one hamser can go and Oen Wilson, that isthe size of a macy's Day. Balloon could not go and that lake is a gentleman as I thinkwhat it boils down to o man cannotgo there's where ther's vsn in one my there's, no Nuksi cradyEser ad nil. They are, they can er their individuals all right. They havepersonality amongst all seventhsand and one of them they can go in between thethin streets of London or they can fly high over the skies of Casetston tokeep going back, cause e time Aa. You did forget this episode, sponsored bythe TURISM board of Cosaksdon come here. Corona virus doesn't exist, so leasteven thousand and one mice. They actually have hamsters, really l nowyou're just doing it on purpose yeah. I think Youre fucking pull on my leg andI appreciate ut what you KDOW, what you know what mice and Rodens have en comintheir road and Syou know when all ronits have in common canacity theneakeat they're snaky. So we can uphold the spirit of Christmas because allthey see is Santa, all they know is sinto Santa is our hero. Ther arebackcome characters and they're. Okay...

...with that Owan Wilson is an a listcelebrity in everyoce's. You would be so excited to hear. You say that OanWilson is an actor. I know I now green time. He needs to be front and centerhamsters, they're, okay, with being relegated to the background they'refine with living in a cage, all their live yeah they don well, they will pullpull santists lay and they won't ask for anything to return, except that theworld is happy. Thank you. I like to think that ther is not asking od Wilson forsomething, but Owen. Walson is begging for the opportunity to Santa that is socorrect. That is yeah Santa has never been like.Oh Shit, my reindeer are God who am I going to call on it's a star ofmidnight in Paris, Oen Wilson, no Owen, Wilson's, like I haven't, had a job o like is sitting pretty in CantimaOnuka right now, Ianica tell me I'm wrong Anto Monica wait. Aminute hold on the conspiracy has deeper than we thought yeah. This is now a conspiracy thery,yes, seven, seven hamsters a that elen Wilson is actually therendeer. Yes, he has been all along if you think about it honestly and hishair was white as snow. Like sounds like a hamster, I'm putting this one toa vote. It's in lieu of our favorite nine reindeer who is pulling Sanasleigh this Christmas Eve. It's either Owen Wilson, who is ot sizeof a thanks, giving parade balloon old, hurses, seven thousand and one dwarfhamsters. You know where M stands. You know wheretale stands, but I'm curious to hear what Claire has to say. Are you no I'm going to vote now? So when I wasnot Clar, I just have to say that seven, seven thousand hasters in a in a n, aEv thouzand and one is that seven thousand and one hinsters in a straightline is that at most half a mile long- that's probably true. No, I did themath, that's not enough. That'. Simply! No. All right Claire has voted force Owen Wilson to move on to the next round. Oty goof. If it's between on Wilson and seventhousand and one hamsters, I've really IV really loved the idea of tinyhamster harness es. Honestly. That is sticking with me. I af going to give itto seven thousand and one hamsters. It is a tie, our first tie of the nightand by special request we have one person who I need a call. The settlethis debate, it's my sweetmother, hey mom! You are alive on the podcast.Is this a good time? Thithis is your time to shine. You made it the PR the pressure is high, so I havea question for you. We are trying to decide. Santas ninebeautiful, powerful reindeer have all called in sick this year and we need agood alternative to the reindeer. Okay. Your options are Owen Wilson, but he'sthe size of a macy's Day, Thanksgiving parade, balloon or seven thousand, andone hamsters,...

I'm goingto go with the hamsters y'llheard it first. My Mom, the woman who raised me has decided that seventhousand one hamsters are going to bring Christmas joy this year. Mom.Thank you so much. Thank you for having me I'm so excited, Hey, Lovyo love, youvery much I'll, be able one eay. Might thanks for answering my call at almosteleven P. I love you: Al Shux, carry U Bywhy Aven turned outgood and she's good. My mom would never owould be like lew. Thank you. so much to my sweet,powerful, beautiful mother for voting for seven thousand and onehamsters have moved on to our finale all right. Our next matchup. I neededeverybody to be super, sober and ready for this, because it is between Emilylaim representing twelve pillsbury DOE boys versus eight fifth grade boys onBNXPIKES Woak. Let's bring this back to Mr Santa okay, Mr Santa needs to getreally far really fast won his slei okay and we need to find the right fitfor him. Remember it's three thousand and eight and we need innovation. Okay,so me, Ismury, dull boy is more innovativethan a fifth grade boy on a PNI pike. Tell me right now: Nix hundred products fast, what just Havit? Okay, you know mabe the two. The two points Claire has madeare eightfifth grade. Boys on BMX bikes are incredibly innovated according towhat metric we don't yet know, twelve pills very dead boys. How fast-and we don't have an answer to that going over to emily with her rebotltell me one literally one piece: ofo Fifth Grate Boy, that is not brave,there's zero percent. Every part of me as a FIS grade boy. I it twelvepillsbury dol boys are good at Bacin, crison and laughing okay ag tid gradersGoan a bea. My Sik are going to get the job done. They're GOINGNA complain,they're Goingno Complain, O hundred percent. If you're going to PUcomplaint, Claire Guys doesn't always matter, but this is fifth grade boys in aPillsbury dull boy trying to get around the earth in twenty four hours todeliver all the presents to the children. It's not about how big andstrong those things much bigger and much stronger than a rain beer, butthose have been still at work, fror, hundreds O years. What do the childrenbelieve in more tolle brings up a good point, its Christmas spirit, what achildren believe in more do they believe in the Posburgy Dopoi to thebre believe in their cool older brother set N. I don't know pils very dobwyonly positivity other older brother Sash. Sometimes you just don't need tobe hes. Definitely he lit a aunt on fire with a magnifying glass and gothis first heart on, but it was kind of sick. No, no, it's bad! It's that wayis Koti was kind of sick, but not in the sexy way. Wha doyou that breaks hisarm on his BMX bite goes into school the next day, once everybody decidescast, except for one person, and he lets that person know it yep, okay, sesand that's Aden, but we're not talking about the other good boys in this crowd.Okay, and I think we need to have a diversity of influences in this proudofvoice, because some of them are going...

...to be really goal ordiented and some ofthem are going to be like this is. This is for team work Amende that Yawll I'mputting this one to a vote. It is eight fifth grade boys on vmx fikes, pullingSanto, sway versus Twelve Pillsbury. Do Boys, Aka, Popan, fresh n of no and Aparturin a Pairtrai? You knowwhere Claire Stans Yo know where Emily Stans te Tala what you feeling, but Iwant to see where Youv been that's fair, there's some some whimsy in my mind inmy heart, about eight fucking shithead fifth grade boys just be like come onSanna. Why do we have to do this? It' like we have to give presents to kidslike what D you Get us? Would you get us because I fifth grade boys are thetype of boys to tell their younger siblings, that Santa does not exist andthen all of a sudden they are now pulling Santa Sleigh. What a dish? Whata dis to these guys big toi mean for sure this is there's a Disney channelmovie of a gang of fifth grade boys being like Sena doesn't exist, and thenSan is like wellyou're pulling my sleve o night boyrs, which I would watch theHell at Im, but at the same time, these little jiggly men these these Hornymassacists, the Pillsbury Dogh boys. I Love Them. I really excited to see abunch of little brand maskots tug in the sleigh and I'm going to have to putmy weight behind twelve pillsbury do boys. That is my vote taller. What sayyou I'm voting for those stock, Oks Talo, with a vote for a twelvepillsbury DOE boys pulling this sleigh. Welcome to the final round of thenondenominational. Choose your fighter holiday, spectacular! We've narrowed itdown to two options: to pull Santa's Sley. After all, the reindeer havecalled in sick. They are not around this year. Instead of our favorite ninereindeer Dasher, dancer Apple, the AP and Blittzen. We have either seven thousand and one hamsterspresented by Talasaman or twelve Pillsbury, no boys representedby Emily Lamb. This is UNCRENCIDENTA Inwhatin many ways, but when what wayare you referring to they're so small? These are the smallest combatant onShes, your fighter. Actually cristen bell is smaller than both ofthesechristen. Bell is actually one intall like a borrower Tala. Why areseven thousand and one hamster's the best option of Palsanisle youallunderwear, those shoes we for what be here in ones? You know the and ones werthe shoes of making every shot. Like Kobe, they were the shoes of SlimDunkin it when everyone like shack, they were the shoes of crossing everydude up like Michael Jordan himself. So that's what these micare going to bedoing. thes, seven thousand and one hamses are going to be crossing it up.Weu're going to be slim, dunken, chimneys, they're, going to be layingit up, they're going to be clobying it into chimneys. They took him from theNorth Pole to the streets of Newor Nork to the deserts of Egypts into the tropics of the Amazon.Tala is naming places where fucking vampires from breaking down park toarrived from, and I dareyou to tell me different, say Tue for next week's episode ofchoose your biter or spint off podcast. Where we talk about what twilightvampire, we would like to be turned by...

...we've already seen. COPIN, fresh andSata, together, they've already been sited together, where's that the macyesThanksgiving Day parade that's right, there's a balloon of pop and fresh andwho comes in the last flit mases Thanksgiving, daprate, every singletiday, but our Chilatta also sometimes David Archaletta, butSanta is Ol, jops, groband, honestly, realistically, probably Joshgrovin,Jason, Morrass Jason, more there's, always more Christmas spiriht when itcomes to the Pillsbury dos boy because of the products that he creates in thememories that they make hello name. All six hundred cinnamon rolls biscuits home, Grat homestyle, biscuits,grand biscuits, buttery biscuits, it's a lot of Businessro that you've beendrop. Okay, Crastan rolls wont et back all right. I believe you, your itexpert Clar. What do you have to say about POCPARD FRESH? I have two factsfor you all right or all of you all right. Not. I won't be listening openyour ears, open gay number. One hamsters are illegal in Hawaii whoathat that's a Ganan Changer. That is a game change, that's a big game! Chester!They cannot replace reinders. RENGERS are not illegal in Hawaii. Hamsters,however, are because they can potentially become an invasive species,because it's a lot like their native pimet and they could take over thespecies there and Itd be really bad in to be in emasis Ese. Can I Super QuickFaus you before you get to point two, how much better with Hawaii be if itwas fucking chock a block with hamsters. If I show up to Hawaii- and I was justlike yeah- a little buddy off the side of the road, I got a little friend formy trip to Owaho. Now his name is Mr Ronald Mangry Bee beses pieces. Oer Canmake this silly. Okay next point is that pos very scientists develop thefirst solid fudes eat in space. This is important. He does Saanto needs to goto need to start going to Staye Santony ICER GINSTAE. Yes, SI wust become moreefficient for when we reach eight billion people in the world, he needsto be able to go to state. ITAS VERRY has already finishd face he's very hely.Bo Am clay you really that was that was all star level. I'd like to make acorrection, your honor. According to this two thousanathirteenlist, ERV article roteint, have a long history in space, mice, rats, hamsersand Guinea. Pigs have all been sent up over the years. Several experimentshave been undertaken with rodents in space. It does not change the fact thatthey can't go to Hawaii Yeah notne o go to space, but you can't go to Hawaiifucking nerd anters are all going to be on their hornesses they're, notsticking around they're not going to become e fasrally sers, canmate so fastthat they could give birth in Hawaii and that'd be bad they're, not stickingaround in Hawaii all that long. If San has got twenty four hours he's lot ofpregnant women that walk into Walmar. I thinkand they're not sticking aroundeither an seen. Those lifetime movies, Tala,obviously understood this and made all seven thousand and one of his hamster'smail, thett's, not jurastic park life won't find a way on this one. I amgoing to give my vote to seven thousand and one hamsters. This etalion ofadorable Fur deliveryn presents to kids, except for kids in Hawaii honestly skipa year. You Know Hawaii, I'm putting you on blast, you're, getting nothingthit's, her good luck. You know like survive the volcano and skip aChristmas you'll, be all right who's going to settle this one for us, I, forthe firs, for the first time ever, not in studio, Alex dilerty are go totiebreaker. She's o think that...

...something's gone horribly wrong, heywhat's up Nabo Wasa, you are on the podcast forthe first time ever remotely, my God, I they all say hey. I could not yell atyou from the other room, so I thought this next best guess and also it's alittle bit earlier. Fhan you than it is for us. You have the the honor in the privilege to break atie in the final round of our podcast. Are you ready? Oh, my goodness, I'msuper ready. This is this is a big deal so in instead of pulling Santa Sleigh,our favorite nine reindeer have all gotten sick with an unnamed virussweeping the nation they are unable to pull santoslay. However, we have someapt replacements. You have to decide who is going to be the best it isbetween twelve hillsbury doe boys or seven thousand and one hamsters. So Ido like the idea of an odd number just kind of ability alone, but I got a food pun as well as just areally great couple of Dins binging, the other one and also they can go toall parts of the world. So I got to go with the the twelve tillxperiee voiceOl. Yes, you heard it here, first Ali. Thank you so much. Twelve pillsbury DOEboys are feling in for Santa's reindeer this Christmas Eve in what what is an unprecedented year. Sotoo must we have an unprecedented Christmas Alex. thank you so much OLright owlex! I love you, love you to be good begood to yourself,andothers marry Christmas. I hazard to say I haven't learned much from thisepisode of Tesyor fighter, but if I had to learn anything it's that reindeersreindeers are so two thousand and late and we are looking for a solution thatis so three thousand and eight y'all. My name is Evan. Atkins and thank youfor listening to choose your fighter, we will catch you all whenever I uploadthe next episode. CHOOSOFI.

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